To My Anxious Child...

I can still remember being a full blown adult on the phone with Dane, telling him every detail of my day, and overhearing my friends in the next room whisper, "Geez, I feel bad for him. Does he really need to hear EVERY part of her day?!" followed by stifled laughter.

Thinking back on that moment still flushes my cheeks in embarrassment.

Living with anxiety.

I'm not a big promoter of people diagnosing themselves with an issue and using that self diagnosis as an excuse to just continue on their path. With that said, I do know it's important to recognize your issues so that you can understand why you struggle and how to overcome it. I have struggled with anxiety and OCD tenancies since I've been a small child.

I was the little girl that threw up at slumber parties when it was time to fall asleep in unfamiliar beds. I peed my pants more than I'd like to admit. I still remember the pure terror I felt while knocking on my friend's parents' door to let them know I needed to call my mom again to pick me up. But most of all, I remember the pure relief I felt when my mom loaded me back up in her familiar minivan at 11 p.m. with her forgiving smile.

Sometimes when I look at you people that don't seem to have a care in the world I want to shake you! I want to just vomit out every single anxious thought crossing my mind in hopes that it will fill your brain and leave mine in a 'Green Mile' type fashion. I feel so annoyed and so jealous of you all at once. Annoyed that us anxious people often take your problems upon ourselves without being asked. But so so jealous that you can lay your head on your pillow at night and really truly rest.

I'm writing this post at 12:12 a.m. because I need to release how I've been feeling about raising my first born son who struggles with this exact anxiety at a mere 5 years old. It makes me tear up knowing that he thinks he's alone in all of this.

So here goes...

My Dearest Kole,

I want you to know that I see you.

I see you looking over your shoulder 3,4...6 times as you walk up to your big new elementary school to make sure that I'm sure that you're okay. I give you my biggest reassuring smile because I know that's just what you need.

I know the embarrassment you felt when your fully potty trained self had 2 accidents in the first week of school due to the change of environment tightening your stomach into a taut ball of rubber bands. I too had stomach problems the moment I got the phone call. Why?  Because I hate change and I know your change fuels my change and... you and me, we're just not good at change.

I see you try your best to control your handsome little face when someone changes a plan on you last minute or begins to lecture you. I hugged you tight when you told me recess was your least favorite part of the day because there was no structure (in so many words) and you need structure to feel calm.

I know how it feels to know you're being annoying but also feel unable to not ask those questions controlling your mind. "Did you check my folder mommy?" "Did you initial where the teacher said?" "You'll be here to pick me up, right?" "Turn my nightlight off when you're nursing...(and then pausing to hear that, 'OK' for reassurance)

I understand that when you tell me millions of minimal details of your day and I listen, you feel so incredibly loved. This is why we take occasional walks home from school when we could drive in an air conditioned mini van. I'm here to listen to you, one on one, and  help you hash out the world's problems.  I am almost 30 years old and your poor daddy has to hear me fill his head with such doodads so I can breathe again and feel like my mind is cleared for new tasks and information.

I accept that you will always be an extra needy child. You need confirmation that you're on the right track. You need acceptance. You need assurance that someone has your back... and I do, I have your back. I wish I could tell you your neediness just goes away one day but it doesn't. You'll need to form friendships with good listeners that can handle your blabbering phone calls and wave of tears at 12 a.m. and still love and accept you. You'll need a powerful prayer life because God is the only one that can take our burdens upon Himself without complaining and heal our hearts.

I want you to know that you'll also need to marry a good listener. A woman who lets you pour out your daily anxieties while she nods her head and hugs you tight like your daddy does for me. She will not tell you, "It's not that big of a deal." or laugh at your insecurities. She will pray with you and listen to you cry and tell you that God is bigger than your problems. And if she doesn't...(and she better!)...I will. I promise.

When we recently visited the doctor about your stomach issues it all boiled down to one thing...anxiety. I explained to him that I was once too an anxious child.  I understand the way your mind somehow has the power to shut down your whole system until every part of you is confused and hurting. He told me that the best prescription for a child like you is a former anxious child like me because I get you.

Anxiety will never truly leave your life but don't look at it as a curse. There are a few advantages. You will always be one step ahead of others because you overthink every detail. You will hold so much care in your heart and people will recognize that and God will reward you for distributing such a big love. Your worrisome mind will keep you out of trouble and leave you with less regrets later in adulthood. Although your anxiety will create a need for competition (and not always healthy), it will also create a need to do your best and follow through on your projects.

I am here to pray with you. I am here to listen to you. I am here to reassure you and love you and relate to you. We will learn from one another and pull through this pesky thing together, day by day.

I don't really know if this letter will ever reach you in your later years but that's okay if it doesn't. It's more of a commitment to myself as your mother to really give you my all and be understanding when many cannot.

We love you Koley boy.

Love,

Mommy

Ole Fawner's 14 Dating Tips

HEYYYY HEY all my cutie little singles all ready to mingle ....the love doctor is in the hiz-ouse! 

Okay...not really...but I am here to give you a few dating tips because frankly I am sick of reading some of your statuses trying to justify the piece of crap loser you have chosen to date. I mean, really, respect yourself before you wreck yourself. 

March 5, 2015: "Welp, Ricardo's at it again. Guess I wasn't enough to keep him warm at night. I hope that floozy Brandi gives you everything you've ever wanted!"

March 7, 2015: "Aww...Ricardo is THE SWEETEST. He bought me roses, took me to Red Lobster and tattooed my name on his neck. Hugs and kisses and smoochy poos...and you all judged me. Haters!"

Yeah, Ricardo's a REAL WINNER...and we feel SO BAD we judged you. Psyche.

So here it is...intervention time. Repeat after me:

MY PICKER IS BROKEN. 

What's a picker you ask? SOMEBODY'S NEVER SEEN MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER!! We all have this picker inside of us that tends to choose the same types of partners. If you asked my dad what kind of picker I have he'd say I love funny, malnutritioned little fellas with big eyes that I could beat up if needed. But that's just not true. (Well...not the malnutritioned part). The key is to gauge if our general picks are healthy, and if not, redirect our picker.

When I was in high school I made a list of what I had to have in a husband and guess what? 

I got everything I ever wanted. 

Why? Because I knew what I wanted, I was picky and I didn't lower my standards whatsoever. 

So here goes....OLE FAWNER'S 14 DATING TIPS:

I wrote these as 'he' because I'm a girl but they apply to all.

1. He puts God FIRST in his life because when The Man Upstairs is on board, nothing is impossible. A man that has a tight relationship with the creator of love can only love you so much more. And one day your children will need such guidance and they'll be looking up to your husband for that.

2. It doesn't matter what job he has (I hate when women won't date a man because his job isn't glamorous) just as long as he's a hard worker and willing to work hard WITH you and for you when you're in a jam. (Notice that you also can't be lazy. You're a team. It's not fair to put all of that pressure on him alone.) 

When Dane and I are in a financial bind we immediately start looking into who has the time to take on an extra job, line up the opportunity and pay the bill. Problem solved.

3. Represents you well no matter where he is or if you're with him. 
You should never worry he'll put a bad mark on your family when he's not being monitored. A man can be very intelligent but if no one likes him, you and him will miss out on several life opportunities. A good tip is to watch how he treats others that he feels are 'lower than him'. The moment you see a man treat a waitress like she's dirt, dump him. He's got a bad heart.

4. He's a man. 
I don't mean he has to have a beard and shoot shotguns and eat steak for breakfast...just that he's not a sissy and will stand up for you and your children... because trust me, those moments when you need a backup will come.

5. He understands that sometimes marriage isn't 50/50...sometimes it's 70/30, etc. 
(Like when I just had a baby and am exhausted, fat and can't give anymore) You need to know he won't be selfish and will understand you'll do the same for him later. (Like when he's overwhelmed with his new job) 

6. You have the same goals! 
(Kids, location, work, faith) This was 2nd date talk for Dane and I. 

7. He's the exact person you want your children to look up to and become. 
(Because we all become our parents a little...whether we want to admit it or not)

8. You can only catch a good man if you're good. 
Nobody's perfect but don't expect a hard working, Godly man if you're lazy and slacking in your faith. Look at your weaknesses and try to improve yourself...don't expect a man to solve all of your issues.

9. You always feel like you're  luckier to have him and he makes you a better person. 
I often find myself rolling over in bed at night thinking, how did I get so lucky that he picked me of all people? 

10. Someone you can laugh with! 
Because someday you'll show up late to a funeral with wet hair and three kids in tow, knock over a flower arrangement on the way in and end your arrival with one of your beautiful children blowing out their diaper with the biggest crap bomb you've ever seen. 

And just so you both don't cry...you'll laugh.

11. Their flaws get way worse after you marry them. 
Make sure you can handle that. 'nough said.

12. Take note of his reactions to all types of situations. 
Sometimes your children bring out the worst in you. Make sure your kids aren't punished with an ill tempered man because you overlooked it as a minor flaw.

13. Looks aren't everything. 
Don't get me wrong, I think Dane is a hottie (Whoo Lawdy!) but when I have a rough day with the kids and need someone to hug me while I blubber and cry or when I was stressed about conceiving babies and needed encouragement, I could care less how good he looked shirtless! I just needed my best friend. And thank goodness he doesn't judge my post baby body! 

14. AIM HIGH. 
I don't care how picky it makes you look! Stick to your morals and know what you want as long as it's reasonable. I stayed pure until marriage and got made fun of for it but I'm super proud of myself. I knew if a guy still wanted to date me after hearing my morals, he must take me seriously. You get what you aim for. Stop aiming low and making me read your statuses about how your boyfriend called you horrific names yesterday but is the love of your life today. Dump his sorry keister, work on yourself, respect yourself and aim for better. Figure out why your picker is bad then change what you're looking for!!!   

Ok, I'm done now. My relationship is far from perfect and I'm even further myself but I still feel like this message is important so I'm gon' preach it honey!

Fawner's 12 Words of Wisdom for Women About to Have a Baby

Since it seems that everyone on my Facebook wall is either pregnant, having babies or will soon announce a pregnancy (due to the airing of "Fifty Shades of Grey") I thought I'd compile a list of twelve words of wisdom I wish I would have known with my first baby. Here goes...

Fawner's 12 Words of Wisdom for Women About to Have a Baby

1. TELL YOUR FUTURE VISITORS YOUR EXPECTATIONS UPFRONT. Politely.

When my husband and I set our induction date we decided to let family know what that date would be but request that there be nobody waiting around at the hospital until after the baby was born. After baby arrived we called just direct grandparents; let them visit, and then had them call the rest of the family, which is when public visitation began. 

Everyone has their own opinion on this stuff. But in our case, I didn't want to be suffering through labor and feel the extra pressure of family and friends waiting on me to push the kid out. It was also important that the biggest moment of my husband and I's life be together, just the two of us, with nobody else interrupting. I was SO HAPPY we made this decision.

2. BIRTH PLANS MAKE ME GIGGLE.

Don't get me wrong.  You have never met a more organized person than muah but it's important to know that no matter how meticulous your birth plan is, your baby won't give a crap. I had a general idea of how I wanted it to go and my beliefs on medication but other than that I trusted my doctor to orchestrate the rest. I've known the dude since I was 17 and he's delivered a butt ton of babies so I trusted his judgment.

3. GET THE EPIDURAL AND DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR IT.

My mother, a saint indeed, had us four kids with no epidural and I thought I knew what she went through until my third baby's epidural totally wore off at the end. FUNKY BUTTLOVIN'. It.was.torture.  

With the epidural I was able to rest, talk, joke through my labor but after Kinley's arrival I couldn't even shower without my mom's help.  Yes, my mother saw all of my goodies and I didn't give a crap because I thought I was going to die.

When the nurse arrived at the scene and said, "Now what's your take on medications and an epidural?" I tapped my vein with my two fingers and said, "If it's healthy for the little one, give me the drugs BABY!"

4. YOUR NURSE IS YOUR BFFL.

All I can say is PRAISE GOD FOR NURSES. They are your allies in this whole process. Treat them with ultimate respect. They are there to help with your medications, give you excellent advice, adjust you to your most comfortable position, help you feed your baby, kick out visitors who are lingering too long, etc. Treat these angels in scrubs like family and know that even though you feel like you know everything, you don't and they have more experience than you. I will always hold my L&D nurses close to my heart.  Thank you nurses.

5. HAVE YOUR FOOD ORDER READY.

This piece of advice seems stupid but after the doctor held my beautiful child up and announced they were healthy my second thought was, "Would it be wrong to sell my newly born baby for a nice, juicy cheeseburger? I AM STARVING UP IN HERE!" 

Dane and I had a system. As soon as I got cozy in my hospital gown I'd leaf through the pages of the cafeteria booklet and write down exactly what I wanted. His duties as father were as follows: 1. Coach me through labor. 2. Hold baby. 3. Order my chicken tenders, fries, fruit plate and cherry coke.

Every one of my children was welcomed into this world with mama breastfeeding them and cookie crumbs falling on their face while I ate too.  I won't apologize for that.

6. APPOINT A BOUNCER.

Dane and I had this conversation with every baby. "Honey, remember, you're my bouncer. I give you the look and you boot people out if needed." With our first baby I was too anxious to ask people to leave when I had to nurse, poop, shower and it ended in me crying on my shower chair begging Dane to take the role for me. When people come to visit, it is with the best of intentions, and you're excited to show off your baby, no doubt. But there are moments where you need to regain sanity and it's better coming from your bouncer than your sleep deprived, hormonal butt. You probably won't be as nice. 

7. YOU ARE YOUR BABY'S ADVOCATE.

When I had Kole I was TERRIBLE at breastfeeding. It took me 3 months to catch on and I bled the whole time. Therefore, when people visited in the hospital I couldn't just cover and nurse like I wanted. I was too timid to ask people to give me the time so I made him suffer. I remember stuffing my boob in his mouth and instantly looking at the clock and hoping he'd catch on before the next visitor. 

An angel in scrubs walked in (the nurse) and said, "Honey, YOU ARE YOUR BABY'S ADVOCATE. Only you know what they need. You gotta be more verbal" Best advice ever. So with my other babies I'd say, "I'm about to nurse covered, if that bothers you you'll have to head out for a few minutes." or "I'm sorry but she's got her hearing test now and the lady's been in here three times already to get it done." And as long as I was polite, people didn't mind at all. Easy as pie.

8. PEOPLE WILL ACCIDENTALLY INSULT YOU.

You just did the biggest thing you'll ever do. You pushed a living human being out of your hooha and you're instantly stormed with hospital staff asking you to join mommy clubs, well intentioned visitors, a baby gnawing on your sore boobies and NO SLEEP. You're a bit hormonal and grouchy so you will get insulted very easily.

That aunt that compares your labor story to hers, the friend that talks about THEIR baby the whole time  and the, "How funny, she looks NOTHING like you!" comments will make you want to throw poopy diapers at them until they get the hint and leave. Oh, and the worst, "I have a friend who had a baby and was wearing her normal jeans home, isn't that great?" NO, IT'S NOT GREAT. I HATE YOUR FRIEND NOW. SHUT UP.

They are just excited about your baby and want to share in the moment with you. It is not always easy to know what to say and none of it is intentional. Write those 2 sentences on your arm and read them silently to yourself while they're on the hospital couch giving you unsolicited advice.

9. DO YOUR NORM.

When in the hospital you are not only your baby's advocate but yours as well. Use the shower, eat your food while it's hot, lay down while people are in the room, breastfeed when needed. They will understand. You just had a baby. It's okay. In this instance it is all about you. This is your moment. Don't let it pass by and regret that you didn't take charge of it. 

10. YOU PROBABLY WON'T LOOK CUTE AND THAT'S OKAY.

There are very few girls who can pull off a labor with their hair down and their makeup flawless. If ever there was a time to look like total crap and be praised for it, it's now. Embrace it. I pulled my bangs up in a braces rubber band, popped a bun up on my head and wore old crappy maternity pants with a nursing tank and I was comfortable.  I looked like I was still 6 months pregnant after baby but that's okay too.  I've never looked at a woman after having a baby and secretly judged her for not being put together. 

Oh yeah, also....don't look down there. Just trust me on this one. DON'T.

11. DON'T FEEL GUILTY HAVING THE NURSE TAKE YOUR BABY SO YOU CAN SLEEP.

When else in life will a degreed baby professional arrive at your door and say, "Hey there beautiful, let me take care of your baby a bit while you replenish and get some rest?" NEVER. THAT'S WHEN.

The better you take care of yourself the better you can take care of baby. I promise you if you don't take this opportunity now you'll be breastfeeding, crying in your king sized bed at 3 a.m. with your snoring husband next to you thinking, "WHAT THE H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS WAS I THINKING TELLING HER NO? Can I stalk her on Facebook and tell her I changed my mind?" 

12. A BONUS RULE FOR VISITORS

My papaw, dad, uncle, cousin and husband are pastors and they all have a 15 minute rule while visiting those in the hospital.  They try to stick to 15 minutes or less. It's enough time to let them know you love and care about them but not so much time that they're secretly wishing you leave. I personally try to stick to the 30 minutes or less policy because I don't often visit people and when I do, I'm pretty close to them. 

Although it feels great to have people visit and show they love you (and without visitors us mamas would probably be insulted) it also needs to be remembered that we just went through a traumatic event. It's so easy to forget as a visitor because we're excited and feeling good but for every well intentioned visitor there's about 40 more coming. Just food for thought. :) 

Best of luck to each of you about to embark on this journey. I wish you good medication, a supportive bouncer and the healthiest of babies. :)

The Dreadful ThankfulDISS

If you know me personally you know that I LOVE Facebook. It gives me something to do when I'm nursing all day long, keeps me entertained when I'm bored with the old guy documentary my husband is watching and it gives me the illusion of a social life. That being said there are certain types of statuses that make me want to personally punch Mark Zuckerberg in the face for allowing everyone to voice their opinions on a public forum.

One of such being what I like to call The ThankfulDISS.

Yes I made that word up. But it's a thing. It goes something like this...

"I am SO THANKFUL to THOSE OF YOU who visited me when I had my appendix taken out. Thanks to FRIENDS like you I didn't downward spiral into a black hole of depression. Apparently Tina, Scott and Jorge were the only ones that knew I was in the hospital because they were the only pals I saw in my hospital room after having an internal organ removed. Thank you for always being there for me Tina, Scott and Jorge. *Secret hand shake for supportive friends*"

These statuses are not cool whatever way you try to bend it.

Here's why:

1. Even though you think you're complimenting your supportive friends you're really putting them in an extremely awkward position. Not only did you diss everyone else but now they feel like they somehow dissed everyone else too when it was not their intention, but yours.

2. You know when your grandma keeps saying, "WHY DON'T YOU EVER VISIT ME?" So you finally drive there to visit and are sitting on their couch and hear, "You never visit me!" I hate that. You're the naggy grandma in this scenario.

The moment you guilt trip someone to visit you, check on you, send you a thank you card...guess what? That's the absolute LAST THING they want to do. And if they swallow their pride and do it anyways, it was not out of good intention but a nasty guilt trip and they probably hated every minute of it. Do you really want someone to be nice to you out of guilt? That's just sad.

3. You make it rough for me to write a genuine status and wonder if people are taking it the wrong way. Just recently I posted thanking people that were at my kid's dedication and the whole time I worried those that weren't able to make it or were just too busy (because I understand busy!) thought I was initiating the thankfulDISS when I was not.

I understand we all have those moments where we goof and don't show someone the support we should have. It's so good to visit your grandma or check on your friend in the hospital but if someone doesn't support you the way you support others it doesn't mean they don't support you. Maybe they just have a different way of showing it! When people have babies I rarely visit them right away because I feel like I'm overwhelming them vs. helping them.  We're all from different backgrounds and mindsets and even if your friend totally failed to be there for you this time I guarantee you a guilt- tripping, naggy public status will not mend that relationship or make them change their ways.

So here's my little hinty hint that if I read your ThankfulDISS about me not wishing your hamster a happy birthday I will not apologize, I will forget his future birthday and I will probably unfollow your immature hind end. Try talking to me in person like a real adult, let me be a stubborn mule for a few weeks over it and then reconsider.

Before you post any Facebook status I want you to think, "What is my intention with this status? Is it genuine or malicious?" and if it's the latter, delete it, call up your best friend and vent it out instead. It's time we all grow up a little.

I'm worried I worry too much.

I am always telling Dane not to die on me. That feels weird typing it out but it's true. I do not know anyone else that would put up with my needy, anxiety ridden butt.  I'll normally give him a little warning..."Okay, I'm about to have an OCD rant..will you just sit and listen a second so I can get it off of my chest?" and he does. Or at least he acts like he does..which is good enough for me.

Dang you anxiety.

I have a major problem with it. I sometimes worry about worrying too much. Oh no, should I worry about that?! ;) It has held me back in life more than anything. I remember once a professor interrupted my self criticism about a paper and shouted at me, "STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOURSELF!" And it shocked me to tears but he was so blunt that it made me think. I needed to hear that.

When my anxiety gets really bad it always ends in me carrying strong OCD tendencies like checking my alarm exactly 12 times, proofreading a Facebook status 3 times before posting or remaking my grocery list because it wasn't neat enough. I've had a few legit panic attacks that left me hunched over crying with uncontrollable shakes. It was scary!

One piece of advice I like to lean on is, "Don't borrow trouble." My doctor's phone nurse told me that when I kept throwing, "What ifs?" at her regarding Kinley's 5 week long jaundice scare. It's better to focus on the here and now, not borrow the trouble that COULD BE.

But if anyone takes the cake on giving good advice, it's definitely my dad. He explains anxiety to me like this...

It's almost as if we we're all born with this cup inside of us that is there to hold onto anxiety and worry. So when I was in college full time, working and pregnant, my cup only held really big issues like giant tests or a sickness in the family and left out the dumb little stuff. Here's the kicker though, no matter how busy or full your life is, your cup is still yearning to gather worry. So, for instance, when I was on my maternity leave, my cup still wanted to fill itself, leaving me worrying about someone's Facebook status or getting the kids ready for a trip to the doctor the next day. I swear it's a ploy to steer us away from God which leads to my  next point.

How would you feel if your child came up to you, tugged on your shirt and said, "Mommy, are you going to feed me tomorrow? Are you going to pay the bills?" I can't think of anything that would hurt my feelings or insult me more. OF COURSE I'll feed my babies. OF COURSE I'll pay the bills. I'll do anything for them no matter what. They're my children.

But that's how we treat God, isn't it? He gave me a wonderful spouse, three healthy children, a roof over my head & on and on...but here I still am up at night worrying about tomorrow. And I can just imagine God saying, "OF COURSE I'll take care of you. You're my child."

MATTHEW 6:25-34

Now plug in your cell phone, say your prayers and go to bed. He's got this.

Good night.

THE MOM SLUMP

I'm in a slump. Not one of those cute slumps either. I can't just dance it out like Meredith Grey or eat a tub of ice cream and all will be honky dorey this time. I've decided I've hit the real deal...

THE MOM SLUMP.

Here's my problem. I'm the jealous type. Every time I see one of my tiny little friends post that they're pregnant the little Fawn devil on my shoulder says, "EXXXXCELLENT, (twittling fingers) maybe she will now understand what it feels like to be frumpty dumpty after having babies! Oooh...and what if her poor little yoga body gets STRETCHMARKS?!" MUHAHAHAHAHA.....(Hey, I told you I'd share all of my thoughts, even the ugly)

But guess what? Those girls instantly lose their weight, slip on their little sister's bikini and chalk it all up to "chasing after their kids" or "breastfeeding". If chasing after kids and breastfeeding made you thin I'd be Heidi freakin' Klum by now. It's sadly unrealistic for many of us.

Let's reminisce to my post baby self after my FIRST child at 22 years old.

The first time I showed my cousin this photo she kept laughing and laughing and laughing until I couldn't help but laugh myself because for realz, this is how it looks and feels for MOST OF US after having a baby. Forget the half face photos on Instagram to hide our neck rolls...this is what real #unfiltered looks like!

I'm currently 15 lbs over weight which is a whoppin' difference from my boys post baby but it feels just as ugly, just as embarrassing and just as overwhelming to look at myself in the mirror and see my body on social media for all to view.

But here's the positive twist on my MOM SLUMP...I'm a mom. I've recently been speaking with at least 5 friends simultaneously who are having trouble conceiving and I so know how that feels.

Since I've been four years old I've prayed that God "give me a good man who wants to have babies" (can you tell my mom motivated that one?) and I got the man quick and easy at 16 years old so when the babies didn't follow like they were supposed to, my world fell apart. My jealousy reared its ugly head again but with hatred and disgust when my friends posted their pregnancy announcements and even more disgust when those announcements were unplanned. I had become more hateful than I ever imagined I could be.  I was a monster.

But I still prayed and asked God for forgiveness for my terrible thoughts and asked if it was HIS will, please give me children. I instantly wanted to scoop that last part up and say, "Forget YOUR will...just give me babies regardless." but I meant it. His will only. And He forgave my terrible thoughts and with the help of modern medicine, gave me my babies.

So yeah, none of that fixes that I'm still 15 lbs overweight or covered in stretch marks. I still hide my body when Dane walks by and untag the photos that show my friends how I really look right now but this ain't my first rodeo. Things will get better. The weight will SLOWLY fall off, I will slowly get sleep and my skinny friends will slowly forgive me for my above post (right ladies? please? C'mon!) Because I was once that terrified young woman, asking others if they thought I had a shot at ever getting pregnant. And now when I go to bed at night I check on 3 sleeping babies, all mine, and thank God for forgiving the ugly in me and blessing me with such beauty.

An Attitude of Gratitude Brings About Many Opportunities

So I spent the entire day inside with the kiddos while Dane was at work and did not even think about shoveling the drive. I've always been spoiled because Dane takes care of the outside stuff and I'm more of the inside pro. That works out pretty well for us since he relishes the great outdoors and I'd rather sit inside and look at God's grand creation from my recliner with frozen pizza in tow. Plus in the time it'd take me to shovel our drive, my three turdlings could turn my house into the set of 'Hoarders' and it creates another project!

ANYWAYS, when Dane got home from work tonight he was so excited that the drive was shoveled and I hadn't even noticed yet. We're assuming the next door neighbor handled the drive and walkway for us. My first thought was, "Oh crap, did he see me through my window eating Ramen in my nursing bra?" quickly followed by a deep regret that I hadn't noticed and didn't get a chance to thank him yet. Which leads to the whole point of this post...thankfulness.

I once read a fortune cookie that said, "An attitude of gratitude brings about many opportunities." That is so true. I feel like the ability to show gratitude is dying and that makes me really sad. Nothing irks me more than watching someone work hard to provide a gift or service for someone else and it not be acknowledged. I don't know if it comes from a sense of entitlement, being busy or an 'it's all about me' attitude but it's not cool.  My neighbor could have done so much more with his time than trudge through MY snow and freeze his butt off but he inconvenienced himself to help out our little family without even expecting anything in return.

When your grandma goes out of her way to send you a birthday card with that nice crisp check enclosed, guess what?! She didn't HAVE to do that. She probably drove her rose tinted Cadillac all the way to Wal-Mart, fought for her favorite handicap parking spot,  filtered through the millions of greeting cards, paid an ungodly amount for something you won't read anyway, pulled from her small account and wrote you that shaky cursive check just to show you she cared. How hard is it to give her a quick call and thank her for the $10 you're not supposed to spend all in one place?

I don't know about you but Dane and I work really hard for every single penny we earn. When someone buys you a gift, they not only worked for it but are also taking away from their family to help you.  I often tell my boys, "Hey, I scrubbed a lot of toilets for the money it took me to buy you that!" (So from now on think of my gifts as 'toilet gifts' ;))

So yeah, next time someone goes out of their way to do something nice for you take ten seconds to send them a text, write out a thank you card, publish it on Facebook, call them up, whatever. And try to show your gratitude more than just once per instance. You'll be amazed by how much it means to them and the opportunities it can bring you in the future. It's really not that hard to stand out anymore. A little bit of gratitude goes a looooong way.