Fawner's 12 Words of Wisdom for Women About to Have a Baby
1. TELL YOUR FUTURE VISITORS YOUR EXPECTATIONS UPFRONT. Politely.
When my husband and I set our induction date we decided to let family know what that date would be but request that there be nobody waiting around at the hospital until after the baby was born. After baby arrived we called just direct grandparents; let them visit, and then had them call the rest of the family, which is when public visitation began.
Everyone has their own opinion on this stuff. But in our case, I didn't want to be suffering through labor and feel the extra pressure of family and friends waiting on me to push the kid out. It was also important that the biggest moment of my husband and I's life be together, just the two of us, with nobody else interrupting. I was SO HAPPY we made this decision.
2. BIRTH PLANS MAKE ME GIGGLE.
Don't get me wrong. You have never met a more organized person than muah but it's important to know that no matter how meticulous your birth plan is, your baby won't give a crap. I had a general idea of how I wanted it to go and my beliefs on medication but other than that I trusted my doctor to orchestrate the rest. I've known the dude since I was 17 and he's delivered a butt ton of babies so I trusted his judgment.
3. GET THE EPIDURAL AND DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR IT.
My mother, a saint indeed, had us four kids with no epidural and I thought I knew what she went through until my third baby's epidural totally wore off at the end. FUNKY BUTTLOVIN'. It.was.torture.
With the epidural I was able to rest, talk, joke through my labor but after Kinley's arrival I couldn't even shower without my mom's help. Yes, my mother saw all of my goodies and I didn't give a crap because I thought I was going to die.
When the nurse arrived at the scene and said, "Now what's your take on medications and an epidural?" I tapped my vein with my two fingers and said, "If it's healthy for the little one, give me the drugs BABY!"
4. YOUR NURSE IS YOUR BFFL.
All I can say is PRAISE GOD FOR NURSES. They are your allies in this whole process. Treat them with ultimate respect. They are there to help with your medications, give you excellent advice, adjust you to your most comfortable position, help you feed your baby, kick out visitors who are lingering too long, etc. Treat these angels in scrubs like family and know that even though you feel like you know everything, you don't and they have more experience than you. I will always hold my L&D nurses close to my heart. Thank you nurses.
5. HAVE YOUR FOOD ORDER READY.
This piece of advice seems stupid but after the doctor held my beautiful child up and announced they were healthy my second thought was, "Would it be wrong to sell my newly born baby for a nice, juicy cheeseburger? I AM STARVING UP IN HERE!"
Dane and I had a system. As soon as I got cozy in my hospital gown I'd leaf through the pages of the cafeteria booklet and write down exactly what I wanted. His duties as father were as follows: 1. Coach me through labor. 2. Hold baby. 3. Order my chicken tenders, fries, fruit plate and cherry coke.
Every one of my children was welcomed into this world with mama breastfeeding them and cookie crumbs falling on their face while I ate too. I won't apologize for that.
6. APPOINT A BOUNCER.
Dane and I had this conversation with every baby. "Honey, remember, you're my bouncer. I give you the look and you boot people out if needed." With our first baby I was too anxious to ask people to leave when I had to nurse, poop, shower and it ended in me crying on my shower chair begging Dane to take the role for me. When people come to visit, it is with the best of intentions, and you're excited to show off your baby, no doubt. But there are moments where you need to regain sanity and it's better coming from your bouncer than your sleep deprived, hormonal butt. You probably won't be as nice.
7. YOU ARE YOUR BABY'S ADVOCATE.
When I had Kole I was TERRIBLE at breastfeeding. It took me 3 months to catch on and I bled the whole time. Therefore, when people visited in the hospital I couldn't just cover and nurse like I wanted. I was too timid to ask people to give me the time so I made him suffer. I remember stuffing my boob in his mouth and instantly looking at the clock and hoping he'd catch on before the next visitor.
An angel in scrubs walked in (the nurse) and said, "Honey, YOU ARE YOUR BABY'S ADVOCATE. Only you know what they need. You gotta be more verbal" Best advice ever. So with my other babies I'd say, "I'm about to nurse covered, if that bothers you you'll have to head out for a few minutes." or "I'm sorry but she's got her hearing test now and the lady's been in here three times already to get it done." And as long as I was polite, people didn't mind at all. Easy as pie.
8. PEOPLE WILL ACCIDENTALLY INSULT YOU.
You just did the biggest thing you'll ever do. You pushed a living human being out of your hooha and you're instantly stormed with hospital staff asking you to join mommy clubs, well intentioned visitors, a baby gnawing on your sore boobies and NO SLEEP. You're a bit hormonal and grouchy so you will get insulted very easily.
That aunt that compares your labor story to hers, the friend that talks about THEIR baby the whole time and the, "How funny, she looks NOTHING like you!" comments will make you want to throw poopy diapers at them until they get the hint and leave. Oh, and the worst, "I have a friend who had a baby and was wearing her normal jeans home, isn't that great?" NO, IT'S NOT GREAT. I HATE YOUR FRIEND NOW. SHUT UP.
They are just excited about your baby and want to share in the moment with you. It is not always easy to know what to say and none of it is intentional. Write those 2 sentences on your arm and read them silently to yourself while they're on the hospital couch giving you unsolicited advice.
9. DO YOUR NORM.
When in the hospital you are not only your baby's advocate but yours as well. Use the shower, eat your food while it's hot, lay down while people are in the room, breastfeed when needed. They will understand. You just had a baby. It's okay. In this instance it is all about you. This is your moment. Don't let it pass by and regret that you didn't take charge of it.
10. YOU PROBABLY WON'T LOOK CUTE AND THAT'S OKAY.
There are very few girls who can pull off a labor with their hair down and their makeup flawless. If ever there was a time to look like total crap and be praised for it, it's now. Embrace it. I pulled my bangs up in a braces rubber band, popped a bun up on my head and wore old crappy maternity pants with a nursing tank and I was comfortable. I looked like I was still 6 months pregnant after baby but that's okay too. I've never looked at a woman after having a baby and secretly judged her for not being put together.
Oh yeah, also....don't look down there. Just trust me on this one. DON'T.
11. DON'T FEEL GUILTY HAVING THE NURSE TAKE YOUR BABY SO YOU CAN SLEEP.
When else in life will a degreed baby professional arrive at your door and say, "Hey there beautiful, let me take care of your baby a bit while you replenish and get some rest?" NEVER. THAT'S WHEN.
The better you take care of yourself the better you can take care of baby. I promise you if you don't take this opportunity now you'll be breastfeeding, crying in your king sized bed at 3 a.m. with your snoring husband next to you thinking, "WHAT THE H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS WAS I THINKING TELLING HER NO? Can I stalk her on Facebook and tell her I changed my mind?"
12. A BONUS RULE FOR VISITORS
My papaw, dad, uncle, cousin and husband are pastors and they all have a 15 minute rule while visiting those in the hospital. They try to stick to 15 minutes or less. It's enough time to let them know you love and care about them but not so much time that they're secretly wishing you leave. I personally try to stick to the 30 minutes or less policy because I don't often visit people and when I do, I'm pretty close to them.
Although it feels great to have people visit and show they love you (and without visitors us mamas would probably be insulted) it also needs to be remembered that we just went through a traumatic event. It's so easy to forget as a visitor because we're excited and feeling good but for every well intentioned visitor there's about 40 more coming. Just food for thought. :)
Best of luck to each of you about to embark on this journey. I wish you good medication, a supportive bouncer and the healthiest of babies. :)
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