THE MOM SLUMP

I'm in a slump. Not one of those cute slumps either. I can't just dance it out like Meredith Grey or eat a tub of ice cream and all will be honky dorey this time. I've decided I've hit the real deal...

THE MOM SLUMP.

Here's my problem. I'm the jealous type. Every time I see one of my tiny little friends post that they're pregnant the little Fawn devil on my shoulder says, "EXXXXCELLENT, (twittling fingers) maybe she will now understand what it feels like to be frumpty dumpty after having babies! Oooh...and what if her poor little yoga body gets STRETCHMARKS?!" MUHAHAHAHAHA.....(Hey, I told you I'd share all of my thoughts, even the ugly)

But guess what? Those girls instantly lose their weight, slip on their little sister's bikini and chalk it all up to "chasing after their kids" or "breastfeeding". If chasing after kids and breastfeeding made you thin I'd be Heidi freakin' Klum by now. It's sadly unrealistic for many of us.

Let's reminisce to my post baby self after my FIRST child at 22 years old.

The first time I showed my cousin this photo she kept laughing and laughing and laughing until I couldn't help but laugh myself because for realz, this is how it looks and feels for MOST OF US after having a baby. Forget the half face photos on Instagram to hide our neck rolls...this is what real #unfiltered looks like!

I'm currently 15 lbs over weight which is a whoppin' difference from my boys post baby but it feels just as ugly, just as embarrassing and just as overwhelming to look at myself in the mirror and see my body on social media for all to view.

But here's the positive twist on my MOM SLUMP...I'm a mom. I've recently been speaking with at least 5 friends simultaneously who are having trouble conceiving and I so know how that feels.

Since I've been four years old I've prayed that God "give me a good man who wants to have babies" (can you tell my mom motivated that one?) and I got the man quick and easy at 16 years old so when the babies didn't follow like they were supposed to, my world fell apart. My jealousy reared its ugly head again but with hatred and disgust when my friends posted their pregnancy announcements and even more disgust when those announcements were unplanned. I had become more hateful than I ever imagined I could be.  I was a monster.

But I still prayed and asked God for forgiveness for my terrible thoughts and asked if it was HIS will, please give me children. I instantly wanted to scoop that last part up and say, "Forget YOUR will...just give me babies regardless." but I meant it. His will only. And He forgave my terrible thoughts and with the help of modern medicine, gave me my babies.

So yeah, none of that fixes that I'm still 15 lbs overweight or covered in stretch marks. I still hide my body when Dane walks by and untag the photos that show my friends how I really look right now but this ain't my first rodeo. Things will get better. The weight will SLOWLY fall off, I will slowly get sleep and my skinny friends will slowly forgive me for my above post (right ladies? please? C'mon!) Because I was once that terrified young woman, asking others if they thought I had a shot at ever getting pregnant. And now when I go to bed at night I check on 3 sleeping babies, all mine, and thank God for forgiving the ugly in me and blessing me with such beauty.